Home Page This is Reb� �

About The Author

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On the front page of the Observer in a gigantic pile of recycling
Chapter One
Dilapidated, crumbling, vermin-infested, spidery dumps
Chapter Two
The mirror can’t hurt you
Chapter Three
Little forests of soil testing kits
Chapter Four
Old Grandpa Shepherd's grizzled old face melted forever
Chapter Five
Just one overgrown, overlooked marrow makes about fourteen jars of chutney
Chapter Six
a huge, talon-ridden white vulture with an enormous beak
Chapter Seven
If you’ve never driven thirty or forty miles with a calf in the back of your car, I recommend it
Chapter Eight
All this self-sufficiency lark didn’t exist in a vacuum
Chapter Nine
Gang-Ging Up
Chapter Ten
There was nothing to do but hide behind the piano eating crisps
Chapter Eleven
The bass bits in At The Name of Jesus really set you up for the day
Chapter Twelve
Six sets of beady little eyes looked up at me
Chapter Thirteen
You could easily pretend that there was a monster there about to burst through and eat us
Chapter Fourteen
Cows come into season like dogs
Chapter Fifteen
Reb Williams has been writing for a living from the day she got paid in sherry and pies for an evening’s entertainment at the local Women’s Institute Christmas Party. Since then she’s worked for anyone who’ll give her money, from peers of the realm to bus drivers. Along the way she’s been a condom packer, orchestra-pit trombonist, voice-over artist, barbershop singer and the back end of a pantomime cow. This is her first attempt to write a whole proper book.
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This is Maria� �

About The Illustrator

Originally born in Sweden, Maria Smedstad has lived in England since 1994, and graduated from Falmouth College of Arts with a first class degree in illustration in 2001. She then moved to London to work as a freelance illustrator. She is the creator of the hugely popular Em cartoons originally featured in thelondonpaper, and now twice a week in The Sun. Her often acerbic portrayal of Em’s life strikes a chord with people worldwide who sympathise with her and her friends’ daily struggle to keep their wine intake down, fight broadband service providers and find that special someone to keep them warm at night.
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An evil temper
New Extract!
Chapter Sixteen

I started thinking about popping down the shop and just buying a pack of Lurpak
Chapter Seventeen
My father was flat on his back with his legs in the air
Chapter Eighteen
My mum’s particular skill for burning herself
Chapter Nineteen
A row of red ants exploring their way in a line up her leg
Chapter Twenty
A bit of a love hate relationship
Chapter Twenty-One
We hadn’t wasted anything and that was the main thing
Chapter Twenty-Two
The endless power struggle between a man and his Dexter
Chapter Twenty-Three
I usually ploughed straightaway into the nearest drift
Chapter Twenty-Four
Unfortunately there weren’t any pirates or drug smuggling rings in rural Oxfordshire
Chapter Twenty-Five
I always opened my little ‘Tuck’ pot with fear
Chapter Twenty-Six
About as punk as West Oxfordshire ever got
Chapter Twenty-Seven
In the rat race you only have to get up early five days instead of seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The Battle Of Cliff's Field
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I pass myself off as a normal person
Chapter Thirty
All writing copyright © Rebecca Williams 2009. All illustration copyright © Maria Smedstad 2009

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